A Family at War Through the Years
editrdan
editrdan
Friday, February 21, 2025
Tuesday, December 31, 2024
A Few Modest Goals for 2025
I have been listing my goals for the coming year for some time now with varying degrees of success--however that is measured.
I am at an age now (78) where I have either met or given up on some of the goals, but the bucket list is not quite out of aspirations. Mostly, what is left is a look at the modest legacy I will leave my family and friends, one where I have come a long way, but remain deeply flawed.
The following list includes much of what remains important to me.1. I won't put this one out of reach by saying I can eliminate it, but my language--especially the bluer parts of it--desperately needs improvement. I use vulgarity as an exclamation point or as a casual reference. I think some words need to be used on a selective basis to emphasize a point, but I look at the TV western series "Tombstone" for guidance in how not to talk. In its run, the word "fuck" and its derivatives were uttered or shouted more than 2,000 times. That's too much. Twice would likely have served the proper purpose. That's my goal for 2025: tone it down.
2. Do at least one small, medium or large act of kindness and/or consideration every day, even something as small as noticing a new hairdo or a kind act by someone that might have gone unnoticed. Congratulate a person on an accomplishment, however small. A kind word is never wasted.
3. Continue to understand that diet and exercise are basics in a healthy body and mind. Exercise daily and prepare meals for myself and others from scratch with fresh, healthy foods, bought locally when possible.
4. Continue to oppose Donald Trump and his supporters when possible, regardless of how difficult or dangerous it may be. Support those representatives who not only oppose the Trump faction, but who also present better ideas for our country. Listen to what the opposition says it believes and try to understand why that system of belief is held. Do what I can to make my point without resorting to name-calling or the suggestion that those on the right are stupid.
5. Recognize what I can do all by myself to affect environmental degradation and change any bad habits I might still have in that arena. I can't do your work or your friend's work or some politician's work, but I can certainly do mine.
6. Continue working as a journalist, despite being far past retirement age. I love what I do and what I have done professionally for more than 60 years and I hope that continues.
7. Hold and express the view that I feel deep gratitude for being able to accomplish what I have accomplished despite the barriers I faced (poverty, alcoholism, attention deficit disorder, lack of formal education, splintered family, among them).
8. Be realistic about how much time I have left and have my affairs properly in order when I go--perhaps at a time of my choosing. I do not ever want to be a burden on my children or my family.
9. Tell those I love that I love them. And say it out loud and in the presence of others when possible.
10. Continue to play pickleball, to take water exercise classes and to get better at both. Especially pickleball. Dang it, I love the game.
I hope you will compile your list and a year from today, you will refer back to it to see how you did.
Friday, October 11, 2024
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Darrell teaching at the Roanoke Regional writers Conference |
Darrell Laurant, a Writer's Writer, Dies
My longtime dear friend Darrell Laurant, who retired from journalism after 40 years of sports writing, reporting news and writing a superb column for the Lynchburg News-Advance, has died.
I'm not sure exactly how old Darrell was, but he and I were close in age and I'm 78.
He was a native of New York, and in retirement moved back home.
He not only worked as a daily newspaper journalist, but he wrote at least seven books, all centered on Lynchburg. The best of them was Inspiration Street, which shined a light on a couple of blocks in downtown Lynchburg that spawned some of the most important African-Americans of the 20th Century.
His writing was rarely about Darrell Laurent the superb, award-winning journalist and it ranged from fall-down funny humor to deadly serious court cases or sudden deaths. His writing was always near-perfect, always fair, always error-free.
About 16 years ago, Darrell invited me to teach a writers conference class at a small, remote elementary school in Bedford County, which had been built for Black children years before and was finally abandoned when integration finally took hold.
I was stunned to see the number of writers in attendance, including some who were famous and others would become so. I was so inspired, in fact, that I brought the idea for a conference back to Roanoke--and its much larger population--with me. It kicked off almost immediately at the Jefferson Center and after that first one, Hollins invited us to hold the conference on its campus. Darrell was a teacher at several of the first few and he was a good one.
The conference is now mature and has sold out just about every year. You can tie it all back to Darrell, who always wanted to help writers.
In retirement, he started a group that helped get writers jobs. Always the writer, the writer's writer.
Saturday, September 28, 2024
MMT's 'Mockingbird' Outstanding
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My grandgirl Mac and I at last night's performance. |
with this version and it begins and ends with the performance of Ginger Poole as the adult Scout, the narrator of the story.
Friday, August 23, 2024
Dan Wooldridge Lived a Memorable Life
I noted this morning the death of Dan Wooldridge, a man I knew pretty well as one closely tied with athletics on several levels. Mostly, he was known as a top-notch nationally-recognized basketball and football official. He played several sports--notably baseball where he was a pro--but it was officiating that set him apart.
He once related to me the story of his involvement with women's college basketball at the Final Four level. Women's basketball was so new as a college sport some years ago that the powers that be wanted to be certain its most visible games be officiated well and they asked Dan to be one of the officials for the first Final Four. He immediately said "no," reasoning (correctly) that women should officiate and learn. The NCAA begged and he finally, reluctantly agreed to officiate the games.
Dan and I talked seriously some years ago about putting together a ghost-written (by me) autobiography, but he finally noted that he didn't want to tell his complete story until his mother--in her 90s at the time--died because she had given him up for adoption and didn't want that known. We missed the opportunity to tell a hell of a story, I'm afraid.
I worked with Dan's daughter, Sarah, for a couple of years at the Vinton Messenger and she was a good ad sales person, but she moved to California and put her talent as an artist to work for her. I always liked Sarah a lot. I called her "Granny," because she was so measured in getting things done. She truly adored her dad.
I suggest you read the obit in today's Roanoke Times for a more complete picture of Dan and his accomplishments. I will say that he was a widely admired man, who earned that admiration.
Wednesday, July 17, 2024
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Nancy Agee (center) with Patrice Weiss and Steve Arner a few years ago. Arner was being groomed to replace Nancy. |
Several years ago, I was contracted by Carilion to write its history and the following is from that book-length effort. It gives you a good idea of who Nancy is, though much of what she has accomplished recently is missing.
Nancy Agee: Carilion Lifer
Nancy Howell Agee, President/CEO Carilion Clinic, was
described by one healthcare executive as “a Carilion lifer,” and indeed she
is. Quite literally. She was born in April of 1952 at Crippled Children’s
Hospital, which later became Roanoke Memorial and now houses her Carilion office
on the first floor. Her son was born at a Carilion facility and her father died
in one. She earned a nursing diploma at Roanoke Memorial Hospital.
Over the years, Agee has risen to the top echelons of
healthcare administration in the United States, recognized widely as one of
the most influential women in the field. By all accounts, she has earned every
accolade, every promotion. She is the CEO many admire for her humanity, her
humility, her honesty, her quick mind, her ability to rapidly evaluate the most
complex challenges, and for her fearless decisiveness. Carilion employees adore her; competitors
admire her; colleagues seek her counsel.
As a child who had frequent contact with health care
professionals because of knee surgeries (she spent nearly two years in a wheelchair or on crutches), “I saw mostly the good in nurses and doctors who cared
so much.” But there was a flip side, especially “with the lack of transparency,
the lack of communication with a teen [her], fear of certain types of cancer. I
wanted to fix that.”
Her early years
were spent in a four-room house in the working-class Virginia Heights section
of Roanoke with her mother and father (JoAnn and
Billy Howell) and two siblings. Billy worked at the grocery store Mick or Mack,
as did Nancy Agee’s beloved grandmother, Reyna Howell.
The family later moved to the more upscale Cave Spring area.
Agee’s
grandmother, Reyna Howell, was her touchstone. “She worked all her life [as a
manager at Mick or Mack grocery stores], but she was always doing something
fun. When I look back on it, it was a series of small adventures: getting
milkshakes at 10 p.m., chewing ice …” Reyna Howell was the only female manager
at Mick or Mack and she owned her own home, which was unusual for a woman at
the time. Nancy Agee lived with her grandmother for a while as a child. “We
were very close,” she says. “She was my go-to person.”
***
Her career with
Carilion began when she was a teen, working as a candy striper. About 40 years
ago, Agee was hired as a nurse at Roanoke Memorial and advanced through
administration. She was named VP of medical education in 1996 and Chief Operating
Officer in 2001, reporting to CEO/President Ed Murphy, who would groom her for
his position. In 1985, the Jaycees of Roanoke saw her as a bright light and
named her Outstanding Young Woman of the Year. Most recently, recognition for
her work has been impressive: beckershospitalreview.com selected her among the
24 leading women in the health care world. She was included among Virginia
Business magazine’s Big Book Most Influential Virginians. Virginia Lawyers
Weekly selected her one of the 40 Most Influential Women of Virginia, 2015.
She has degrees from the University of Virginia and Emory
University; postgraduate studies at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of
Management and she went to nursing school at Carilion. She was “first in my
family to graduate high school,” not to mention college, she says.
Husband Steve Agee, was a Republican Virginia State Delegate
from Salem. He now sits on the U.S. Court of Appeals, 4th Circuit in Richmond.
Son Zach is a clerk for an appellate judge in Virginia Beach. The family is
close, despite physical distances of their jobs. “We love each other and we like
each other. The family is a priority,” she says. Zach and Steve “respect that I
have my own thing. Each of us has our own interest. At home, we don’t always
talk about work.”
Agee is a healthy eater and works out regularly, but she
drinks Diet Dr. Pepper throughout the day. It is a drink that is something of a
family tradition. “We used to stop on the way to the beach—on those few trips
we made to the beach—or to see our family in Tennessee, and get Dr. Peppers.”
***
Her profession, she says, “is a passion. It started a
long time ago. All my life, I’ve wanted to make a difference in health care.”
“I never did” aspire to high management, Agee insists. “I
moved into it out of a sense of frustration, getting things done for patients
that needed to be done. I gravitated to it more than planned for it.”
Replacing Ed Murphy, an MD and PhD with clinical
experience, as president/CEO “was a bit of a surprise. I was flattered and
grateful, but I anticipated being an interim CEO until a search was completed.”
When Agee was selected by the board of directors, “I said, ‘Are you sure?’”
Murphy says he moved Agee into the COO position when he
took over the reins from Tom Robertson at Carilion because she had “the skills
to run a complex organization.” He saw “a three-legged stool” in her skill set:
the “ability to handle and manage a [large, complicated] health care
organization; the ability to manage people and keep the trains running on time;
and a good dose of strategic vision. She was a very good fit.”
It wasn’t difficult to convince the board to slide Agee
into the boss’ chair upon Murphy’s resignation, he says. “You look at the
people all over the country [in that position] and Nancy has elements of all of
the [successful ones]. She is a rare individual with an equally strong set of
skills [across the spectrum]. She is a rare find.”
Board member Warner Dalhouse, a retired banker who has
been on the boards of Carilion and Community Hospital before the merger with
Roanoke Memorial, says he and a few others pushed hard for Agee when the
vacancy at the top occurred.
Says Dalhouse, “When Ed let it be known he was leaving for
New York [to join TowerBrook Capital Partners LP], I was one pushing hard for
us not to do a search, to just go ahead and hire Nancy. It was a gusty thing
for the board of a large enterprise to do. We had a fiduciary responsibility.”
The vote was lopsided. “I was at a funeral with [former
Carilion CEO Tom Robertson] a few days after we appointed Nancy and we were
talking about it. I said, ‘Can she run it?’ and he said, ‘She’s been running it
for a long time.’”
Robertson says Agee “has a lot of credibility, a clinical
background and excellent interpersonal skills. She understands the culture [at
Carilion].” It was a matter, he says, “of the right time, right place, right
person.”
Murphy, says Dalhouse, “was a visionary, but Nancy ran [the
corporation] on a day to day basis. Boy did she ever! We had been losing a good
bit of money for several years when Nancy took over and it took her four years
[to push Carilion into the black]. Now [in 2015] we are making money.”
***
As Chief Operating Officer, “I followed [Murphy’s
direction] and made it work,” says Agee. “The COO can disagree,” she says, “but
you have to believe. The CEO has to be vigilant and understand what’s going on.
You work differently in a $1.7 billion company.”
Murphy was a
difficult act to follow, even though finances were in a bind when he left. In 2010, shortly before Agee took over, Carilion reported an
operating loss of $45.9 million on revenues of $1.24 billion. The loss
continued for a while before Agee righted the ship (the net having fallen 40
percent in the previous two fiscal years). During that difficult financial
period, charity
care increased by 31 percent at the region’s non-profit health care center, the
one that was described by Valley Business FRONT magazine as “the health care
organization with big shoulders.”
Murphy began a long transition from a hospital to a patient-focused
clinic during his tenure; helped institute a partnership with Virginia Tech and
also founded a med school and research institute. Agee calls Murphy “a
visionary,” “a wonderful mentor,” “a good teacher” and a man who “dreams big
dreams.” She told Virginia Business, “His footprint will be different than mine
...” shortly after she was elevated to CEO.
***
Carilion met strong, loud and persistent resistance to its
conversion from a hospital-based operation—which is traditional—to the newer
clinic system. That system focuses on outpatient care. Murphy instituted the
change but Agee has been all-in. Those opposed to the change—primarily
physicians—say it creates a monopoly and drives up costs.
For a period during the change, Carilion was losing
physicians in trauma care specialties at such a rate that it had to alert the Commonwealth
that it wasn’t meeting its requirements as a Level I center. The change in
leadership seemed to ease that conflict. Vista Eye Center managing partner John
Brisley, M.D., was quoted in The Roanoke Times at the time as saying, "Our
sense is with Nancy Agee heading things up now, there really is a new tone and
it's a new approach." She moved quickly upon appointment to fill the
trauma leadership void, promoting Paul Davenport to VP of Emergency Services.
Dalhouse says, “When she took over, Carilion was in terrible
shape regarding the area’s independent physicians [because of the move to the
clinic model] and there were a lot of sharp feelings. Ed didn’t really tend to
that. She smoothed it over and now some of the physicians who opposed [the
clinic change] have joined in. Ed made no real effort to do that.”
The sheer size of the company obviates some of what Agee
would like to do. “People say, ‘I wish you would make rounds every day like Mr.
[ex-CEO Ham Flanagan] did.’ I do, but we have seven hospitals and 1,000
physicians. Every day I am somewhere, but we have a bigger footprint.”
Early in her tenure, says Agee, she received some
valuable advice from a close friend: “Make this your own. You’re not following
anybody else’s footsteps.”
The board wanted immediately to “refresh and review our
mission. First, how do we get out of the hole? We were deep in the red at the
time. I got permission with expectation.” She did not “have a traditional
honeymoon. It was time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.” She says Carilion
has “a very engaged board,” and has had for a long time.”
The challenge was impressive, but, says Agee, “I love to
work and I work hard.” Her days are often 12 to 15 hours long.
***
Education has
always been at the center of Agee’s interest. “Jefferson College is an enormous
asset. It has, what, 1,100, 1,200 students with masters and baccalaureate
degrees.” PhDs are on the horizon and that will “be a huge asset.”
She was instrumental in bringing the new doctorate of
physical therapy program from Radford University to Roanoke. She established
the research-based Innovation Center at Carilion, as well.
Education and health care “are a dual passion” of hers.
Centering STEM(H) education in Roanoke is a goal. She directs a nonprofit
organization that includes Jefferson College of Health Sciences and the
Virginia Tech/Carilion Medical School. She stresses that “we have educated a
lot of people who work at the other hospitals.”
The vigorous relationship with Virginia Tech, which
accelerated during Ed Murphy’s tenure, presents “the opportunity to do exciting
things. You’re just seeing the beginnings.” What Carilion has accomplished, Agee
says, “is extraordinary for a region our size. You can get anything here except
transplants. That’s a WOW!”
Her work with the Joint Commission board and the American
Hospital Association have put her smack in the middle of the conversation on
health care reform with the people who can make it happen. Cost and quality are
her laser-focus issues. She is especially interested in how cuts would affect
Medicare and Medicaid.
Agee stresses that “60-90 percent of our payer source
[the government] doesn’t pay the cost” of treatment. “We need a vibrant
business community to support the kind of health care we want. We need to grow
this community better, to grow services. I’m really serious about that.”
As big as Carilion is, “We’re small compared to others.
We’re a big fish in a small pond. I wish the pond was much larger.”
***
Colleagues and
business leaders have been consistently impressed with Agee.
John Williamson, former CEO of RGC Resources in Roanoke,
served on the Foundation for Roanoke Valley, Roanoke Economic Development
Partnership and RGC Resources Boards with her. He says, “I always found
her to be well prepared, incisive in her questions, thoughtful and poised in
her comments, and deliberate and prompt in her decisions. She tends to inspire
confidence. "
Laurens Sartoris, former President/CEO of the Virginia
Hospital & Healthcare Association, has been quoted as saying Agee’s strong
relationships make it “a more comfortable exercise in communication when people
get along." Sartoris’ successor, Sean Connaughton, calls Agee a “nationally
recognized leader and trailblazer who has helped build Carilion Clinic into a
renowned provider of exceptional healthcare services.
“She is a Carilion Clinic lifer … overseeing one of
Virginia's largest non-profit integrated health care organizations. … Nancy is
a tireless advocate for Carilion Clinic, for health care, and for patients. I
consider myself fortunate to have ... a chance to know her and work with her.”
Warner Dalhouse says
Agee “is an excellent administrator. She is good with the board. Nancy decides
the strategy, gets approval and delegates. The people who work with her love
that. … Carilion runs like a well-oiled machine. She doesn’t even have to be
there.”
Agee, says Dalhouse with emphasis, “tends to the store.”
In a magazine story, Becker’s Hospital Review quoted Agee as
saying, “At
the end of the day, it's about paying attention. The most important thing is
taking care of patients, followed by making sure our staff has a great
environment.”
In brief
Nancy Howell Agee
Born: Roanoke Children’s Hospital, April, 1952
Married To: G. Steven Agee, judge U.S. Court of Appeals,
4th Circuit. Son, Zachary S. Agee, court clerk.
Education: Northwestern University (Kellogg School of
Management); Emory University, magna cum laude; University of Virginia, with
honors; Roanoke Memorial Hospital, nursing diploma.
Title: President and CEO, Carilion Clinic since 2011. Has been COO/Executive VP; senior VP Carilion
Health System/Carilion Medical Center and VP medical education. Various
management positions at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital.
Professional Affiliations: American Hospital Association
board of trustees, board of directors, committees; Coalition to Protect
America’s Healthcare Association board; Virginia Hospital & Healthcare
Association board member and chairwoman; The Joint Commission board; Virginia
Tech Carilion School of Medicine board; Virginia Foundation for Independent
Colleges, board; Virginia Tech Foundation board; Virginia Business Council,
vice chairwoman; Virginia Business Higher Education Council; Virginia Western
Community College Education Foundation board; RGC Resources board; Hometown
Bank & Hometown Bankshares Corporation board; Governor’s Advisory Council
on Revenue Estimates; Center for Medical Interoperability board; Rockingham Group board; Association of
Community Cancer Centers board; Hospice Association of America board; American
Cancer Society—National advisory group; ACS Virginia Division board; ACS
Roanoke Valley Unit honorary board.
Community Involvement: Taubman Museum of Fine Arts board;
Western Virginia Foundation for the Arts and Sciences board; Radford University
board of visitors; Foundation for the Roanoke Valley, board; Mill Mountain
Theatre board; Roanoke Regional Chamber of Commerce board.
Awards (selected): University of Virginia Outstanding Alumni;
Roanoke College – Doctor of Humane Letters; The Taubman Museum of Art – Ann
Fralin Award (Community leadership and support of the arts); Palladium Award
(Carilion’s highest award for quality); March of Dimes Hall of Fame; Silver Hope Award
– Multiple Sclerosis Society, Blue Ridge Chapter; Meritorious Service, American
Cancer Society, Virginia Division’s Highest Award; Outstanding Young Woman of the Year, Jaycees
of Roanoke Valley; Outstanding Nurse, Virginia Nurses’ Association, District 2;
Miss Hope of Virginia, American Cancer Society.
Sunday, July 7, 2024
Overnight Sensations 2024
Tuesday, July 2, 2024
Bill Cochran Was the Best of Us, in Every Way
I've had a lot of blessings in my professional life as a journalist, none better than to have worked for 10 years with Bill Cochran, the legendary outdoor writer. Bill was not only the best sports writer I ever knew, he was one of the two or three best writers of any kind. His prose simply sang.
Bill died Sunday at 86 of bladder cancer, diagnosed two weeks ago, according to published reports. He had a long life, a good life, a productive life. He was a spiritual man who never pushed his beliefs on anybody, but who lived them about as well as a person can.
I was never an avid hunter or fisherman, which he was, but I learned from him. I've been anti-gun for as long as I can remember, so Bill taught me to hunt with bow and arrow. I went fishing with him occasionally and always found him to be quiet, reflective, and a man who lived by the rules of the outdoors. He put most of his fish catch of the day back; he only shot the deer and turkey he was allowed to shoot and he was a humane man.
I won't say a lot more about Bill because people like Mark Taylor at Cardinal News can say it better, but I wanted to state without reservation that Bill Cochran knew how to live a good, wholesome, full life, one where he influenced a lot of people. Me included.
Friday, June 7, 2024
MMT's 'Cabaret' Provokes, Entertains
Mill Mountain Theatre's "Fringe" series of plays was established a few years ago to challenge audiences. Its works break away from the normal commercial fare to present theatre that provokes with its relevance. "Cabaret," certainly fits the mold here, set in the early 1930s as the Nazis are coming into power in Germany.
The play debuted on Broadway in 1966 and won eight Tony Awards. The 1972 movie pulled in eight Oscars, including Best Actress for Liza Minelli as Sally Bowles and Best Supporting Actor for Joel Grey, who played the provocative Emcee. The current production owes much to the 1987 revival, produced by Prince, which is more direct in its depiction of Sally Bowles' lover, as being bi-sexual. Sexual preference is on considerable display here from the opening number to the final gasp.
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Aaron T. Castle shines as Emcee |
The pervasive sexuality (if you can imagine it, it's portrayed) gives this production a hard PG rating, but that is at the heart of the story in a swinging pre-war Berlin that gave rise to Hitler and his party of monsters. As Emcee, Aaron T. Castle guides the story from sexual frivolity to Nazi horror, embodied by Kenan Starnes as the Nazi. Emma Caroline Smith plays the difficult part of Sally Bowles (lookin' for love in all the wrong places) and Ashlinn Blevins nearly steals the show as the prostitute Fraulein Kost.
Roanokers AnnElese Galleo and Jeffrey McGullion are prominent in a solid cast.
Director/choreographer Hector Flores serves up this often jaw-dropping bit of theater with gusto, characters powerfully drawn, thoroughly entertaining dance numbers and songs that are sung with authority by a professional cast. As is usual, two of the stars of the production, are the set design of Jimmy Ray Ward and the costuming of Jessica Gaffney, which basically outline and help define the entire production.
Let me caution those of you who are offended by sexuality in its many forms and occasional strong language, that you might think hard before attending "Cabaret." It tells a hard story with difficult truths, impossible for some to swallow, and it is especially relevant in today's supercharged political arena.
I will also mention that you need to be ready for the play's ending. It is uniquely powerful and, as the director might say, "Wait for it ... wait for it ..."
Kudos to MMT for this offering. Theatre is meant to entertain and to challenge and "Cabaret," on this stage at this time, delivers a strong and necessary message.
Sunday, May 12, 2024
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Mom arriving at Woodrum Field on her first airplane flight in the early 1970s. |
(The following is from my memoir, "Burning the Furniture," written about 20 years ago. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.)
Laughing with Mom
The last time I
saw my mother, she was resting in a wheelchair, breathing with a great deal of
difficulty, mostly wheezing, attached to a respirator, tears streaming down her
face from the joke she’d just cracked.
The last few years
of Mom’s life, she was umbilically connected to a tank of oxygen, dragging it
after her as she slowly glided from room to room muttering in past tense,
reliving lost moments, whistling long-gone tunes in that oddly cheerful way she
had, looking for a cigarette.
Mom was never more
than a tick from heartbreak, despair, serious clinical depression. It was so
devastating that she’d submitted to Electro Convulsive Therapy—“shock
treatment”—in the 1950s (her shrink was a guy named Thigpen, who wrote The Three Faces of Eve; I never knew how she paid for his work),
searching for a good day. Nor was she ever more than the slightest one-line
setup removed from a joke, a quick comeback, an outrageous pun.
If ever God put a
walking contradiction on earth, it was Mom. Her life had been hard: childhood
filled with rural poverty and a tyrannical mother; bearer of eight unplanned
and I suspect that given her choice at the time, unwanted children. She was the
wife of an alcoholic who died in middle age, leaving her with nothing except
hungry kids to raise, loneliness and desperation. I’d hide when I knew she was
having one of her spells. The other kids would disappear, too.
She had agoraphobia before
anybody knew what it was, fainting in public rather than facing the terror
other people represented. Fainting became a common escape mechanism for her. It
became so frequent at one point, that we’d just leave her where she fell until
she woke up, providing she hadn’t hit anything on the way down. Why disturb
her?
But always, there
was a laugh at the edge of the disaster or a song in the midst of it. From the
time I could walk and remember anything at all, I heard mom sing, hum, whistle,
dance and do her version of karaoke to the radio, which was always on—when we
had electricity. I have a deep appreciation for 1950s jazz because of that
early exposure, a gift she could not have imagined giving me.
Mom had been a
small and dazzlingly pretty young woman—one who simply slew my well-to-do dad,
a college grad from
She’d gotten into
the car with another suitor at one point, heading toward the church to get
married. My would-be gold-digging mom got cold feet. “He had an airplane,” she
said one day when she was in a storytelling mood. “Rich guy. But dull! Boring.
I couldn’t stand him. I never saw him laugh once. On the way to get married, I
looked over at him, studied him for a minute and said, ‘Take me home!’ And I
didn’t say it quiet.”
Because Dad couldn’t
find good-paying jobs, we never had any money and we were always a paycheck
away from the street. Our homes were rentals, usually too small, never
affording Mom any privacy (me, neither for that matter; I slept on the screened
porch of one house winter and summer, so I wouldn’t have to share a bed with my
bed-wetting brother). Mom’d dress for bed in her closet. I never knew what Dad
thought about that.
All of this led to monumental stress in Mom. Dad didn’t seem especially troubled by our
poverty, tight living conditions, old drafty houses or much of anything else,
even during his seven-year sober period. Dad worked seven days a week, three
hundred sixty-four days a year and he usually slept or read through Christmas after the
morning festivities. When he got home from work in the afternoons, he’d read a
western novel, sometimes two: one before dinner and one after. Zane Gray
usually. I always thought that was something admirable.
It seemed odd to me that Mom had more difficulty adjusting to our poverty than Dad had, given their backgrounds. It was wearisome for her even when she was cracking the dark jokes and I suppose the cumulative effect was just too much sometimes.
“We get to camp tonight,” she’d say as we arrived from school to a dark house with no heat because there was no money to pay the bills. Or if we came home from school hungry—as we always did—complaining that there was nothing to eat, she’d quickly retort, “We got bread, we got lard, make a sandwich.” Then she’d go to the cupboard and create a snack from nothing. Nothing at all. After Dad died in 1960 and the poverty intensified, I thought she was magic.
Magic. Now there’s a concept. Maybe Mom knew the magic
was in the jokes, in the music. Maybe that’s why she died, wheezing out one
final often-spoken line through the respirator. “If I ever have to move again,”
she rasped, “I think I’ll burn the furniture.”
Tuesday, March 26, 2024
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New Kentucky Women's basketball coach Kenny Brooks. |
KENNY BROOKS TO KENTUCKY; Will Georgia Amoore Stay?
Previously
A Family at War Through the Years My family has a tradition of militarism, which I oppose. From what I have documented, we can go back to ...

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Patrick and Annette Patterson In Defense of Patrick Patterson of Roanoke Catholic Schools It has been a bit more than a week since Roanoke...
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I shot these about 15 years ago. George always had a great face. George Kegley: A Loss We Can't Afford The death Monday of George Kegley...
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Losing Dwayne Yancey Is a Huge Blow to Roanoke Valley Journalism Dwayne Yancey About an hour ago, I posted on Facebook that Dwayne Yancey i...